[Number of COVID-19 infections] + [Number of COVID-19 deaths] = The Presidunce’s Legacy.
a.k.a.: The Dotard Equation
Started: January 20, 2020
“The legitimate object of government is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done, but can not do at all, or can not so well do, for themselves, in their separate, and individual capacities.” ~ President Abraham Lincoln
“He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.” ~ Albert Einstein
“I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.” ~ Often attributed to Mark Twain may be from Adlai Stevenson
“He never apologizes, he’s never wrong… he’s the white Kanye” ~ Bill Maher on Donald Trump
“We get so scared of something – scared of communism or crime or drugs or illegal aliens – that we think we can make ourselves safer by sacrificing freedom. Never works. It's still true: the only thing to fear is fear itself.” ~ Molly Ivins
Republicans vow to kill domestic terrorism bill in Senate ~ Alexander Bolton / THE HILL Senate Republicans are lining up against a House-passed bill that would authorize special offices within the government to investigate and monitor domestic terrorism, which is being pushed in the wake of a racist shooting in Buffalo that left 10 people dead. “The Democrats can’t even wait an hour before they blame the Republicans for the Buffalo shooting. I think it’s despicable,” [Ron Johnson (R-Wis.)] said. – It’s true, so why should they wait?
“The Supreme Court is supposed to serve the rights of all Americans, not just partisan interests. Every decision the court makes will impact generations to come. At this rate we’re going to wake up one morning and find out that they [The Supreme Court] used the shadow docket to give guns the right to vote.” ~ Samantha Bee
“In a new interview, Dr. Anthony Fauci criticized the Trump administration’s handling of the coronavirus pandemic, and said it ‘wasn’t optimal.’ Which is kind of like saying the Hindenburg experienced a flight delay.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Nothing says looking toward the future like adhering to the earliest days of common law. That’s why I believe that life begins at ‘white land-holding male.’ … So congratulations, ladies—decisions about what you can do with your body are now being made by four old dudes and a woman who thinks The Handmaid’s Tale is a rom-com.” ~ Stephen Colbert
“Actually, women still do have the right to choose. We can choose who to blame for this motherf*cking shit show of a travesty. For example, I choose to blame Donald Trump and Susan Collins and Mitch McConnell. Thanks to them every red state uterus is about to be public domain again like a Yankee Doodle Dandy of reproductive organs.” ~ Desi Lydic on The Daily Show
“The right to an abortion has been around for fifty years now. Think about it. You want to talk about ‘history and tradition’? I think it’s safe to say it’s a tradition at this point. I mean, if you go without electricity for a weekend, you’re camping. If you go without it for fifty years, you’re Amish, motherf*cker, that’s just who you are.” ~ Trevor Noah
“I can’t believe how gullible Susan Collins is. But Susan Collins can.” ~ Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) May 4, 2022
“This is the first time the president has attended this dinner in six years. It’s understandable. We had a horrible plague followed by two years of Covid.” ~ President Biden at the WH Correspondents Dinner
“Over in Italy there’s a $700 million super yacht that experts think belongs to Vladimir Putin, and it’s trying to set sail before it’s seized. Turns out ‘Escaping On A Yacht’ is is the last square Putin needs to get a Supervillain Bingo.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“According to unconfirmed reports, Russian President Vladimir Putin is set to undergo cancer surgery. Doctors think that with their sharpest skills and a little luck, they can remove all the Putin.” ~ Seth Meyers
Scoop: Esper says Trump wanted to shoot protesters ~ Mike Allen / Axios Former Defense Secretary Mark Esper charges in a memoir out May 10 that former President Trump said when demonstrators were filling the streets around the White House following the death of George Floyd: "Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something?"
“A judge in New York is holding former president Trump in contempt of court for failing to turn over documents, and he’s being fined $10,000 until he does. Trump’s actually trying to locate the documents right now. He’s going through his filing system of Buried, Shredded or Flushed.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“When Perjury…I mean Marjorie [Taylor Greene] was asked if she considered participating in the [Jan. 6] riot herself, she said it was on her calendar but she was too busy preparing her case against the electoral college vote totals. Which is like saying, I would’ve been at the wedding but I was too busy burning down the church.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel, on the “Green Goblin’s” court testimony
“Republicans are sounding the alarm because masculinity is in danger! And taking the lead on this non-issue is Tucker Carlson. Tucker’s new documentary apparently claims that men are physically weaker than they used to be, which translates to weaker political leadership. Clearly he hasn’t seen Nancy Pelosi doing reps at Gold’s Gym. She can bench-press a McConnell and a half.” ~ Samantha Bee
“Comedy doesn’t change the world, but it’s the bellwether. We’re the banana peel in the coal mine. When society is under threat, comedians are the ones who get sent away first. It's not the ‘woke police’ that are going to be an existential threat to comedy. … It’s not the fragility of audiences. It’s the fragility of leaders. … Authoritarians are the threat to comedy, to art, to music, to thought, to poetry, to progress.” ~ Jon Stewart, accepting his Mark Twain Prize for American Humor
“Look, gas prices are a real concern. But Dr. Oz is worth over a hundred-million dollars. So it’s a little weird for him to act like it’s specifically straining his budget. He’s fucking rich. What he doesn’t get to do is stand in front of gas pumps and pretend like he’s personally affected by those numbers.” ~ John Oliver, after posting a clip of cultist PA-Sen candidate Dr. Oz at a gas pump complaining about the “almost five bucks” price of gas
Mark Meadows Was Registered to Vote in Three States ~ John Johnson, Newser Staff / Newser VOTER FRAUD ALERT!:Former Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows – 'Washington Post' adds South Carolina to list of Virginia and North Carolina
“They knew that they were going to attempt to use violence to try to stop the transfer of power,” Cheney told CNN. “That is the definition of an insurrection, and it is absolutely chilling.”
“Former President Barack Obama today visited the White House, and out of habit Jeanine Pirro called for his impeachment.” ~ Seth Meyers
“That's really got to bother Trump. All the lies and schemes and lawsuits to get back to the White House, and Obama just strolls right in there.” ~Jimmy Kimmel
Ukrainians are leaving notes behind for Russians who are coming into their homes to loot. They say the same thing as Russia's most popular board game. pic.twitter.com/OtwBLdmR5p ~ The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) April 5, 2022
“Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.” ~ Albert Einstein
Federal Judge Says Trump Likely Committed felonies ~ Dan Friedman / MotherJones “The Court finds it more likely than not that President Trump corruptly attempted to obstruct the Joint Session of Congress on January 6.”
“Nixon is the kind of guy who, if you were drowning twenty feet from shore, would throw you a fifteen-foot rope.” ~ Eugene McCarthy [Also applies to every Republican in 2022]
Mitch McConnell: Republicans who support Putin ‘lonely voices’ in party ~ Martin Pengelly in New York / The Guardian Senate minority leader dodges invitation to say such Republicans should be ejected from party or face disciplinary measures • Moscow Mitch’s BS is still active and anti-patriotic.
“Yesterday Russia announced that they’re hitting Biden, Blinken, and other top U.S. officials with sanctions. Oh, that’s adorable—they’re doing their own sanctions. It’s like when you give your kid a bubble lawnmower and they’re like, ‘I’m a world power, too!’ And you’re like, ‘You sure are, buddy, you’re doing a great job.’” ~ Stephen Colbert
“One of the bright spots in this horrible scenario has been watching these super-yachts owned by Russian oligarchs get seized. In Norway, [a super-yacht] is stranded because the locals refused to sell them gas to refuel it. One local oil supplier said, ‘Why should we help them when they can row home?’ Every once in a while the Norwegians like to remind us that they descended from Vikings.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Right now there is a dictator who thinks he can violently conquer a sovereign democracy… but Joe Biden beat him in the last election” ~ Stephen Colbert (2022)
.@POTUS on Donald Trump calling Putin "savvy" and "genius" amid Russia's invasion of Ukraine: "I put as much stock in Trump saying that Putin's a genius as I do when he called himself a stable genius." pic.twitter.com/H1Q1UVK8r9 — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) February 26, 2022
Supreme Court turns away Trump’s appeal in dispute with House Jan. 6 panel ~ John Kruzel / THE HILL The Supreme Court on Tuesday turned away an appeal by former President Trump in his dispute with congressional investigators who have sought access to Trump-era records as part of a House panel’s investigation into the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol.
Rick Scott Unveils an 11-Point Agenda That Includes Tax Hikes for Millions ~ Michael Rainey / TheFiscakTimes via yahoo!finance &emsp: “ … And it confirms what we have long suspected: Republicans don’t lack an agenda; they’re just shy about revealing how unpopular it is.” • The tax hikes are for the lowest paid citizens.
February 17, 2022
“The legitimate object of government is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done, but can not do at all, or can not so well do, for themselves, in their separate, and individual capacities.” ~ President Abe Lincoln
Judge throws out Palin libel case against New York Times ~ Josh Gerstein / POLITICO The ruling came as a Manhattan jury was deliberating on Palin’s suit, which claimed the Times defamed her by linking her to a 2011 shooting spree that killed six and wounded then-Rep. Gabby Giffords.
“President Biden traveled to Pittsburgh and promised to rebuild a collapsed bridge with funds from his infrastructure bill, while Republicans feel the bridge should just lift itself up by its bootstraps.” ~ Michael Che, SNL
“According to a new book, the White House engineer—who’s kind of like the plumber, I guess—would frequently be called in to unclog the president’s toilet because he had a habit of flushing papers down it. What do you think about the fact that Trump had to come out and, in writing, deny he clogged up the toilet in the White House? It’s a conversation you have with your three-year-old.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Turns out Trump couldn’t drain the swamp because the pipes were clogged with classified documents.” ~ Trevor Noah
“Republican Senator John Kennedy told reporters recently that he had concerns about President Biden’s criteria for his Supreme Court nominee, and said ‘I want a nominee who knows a law book from a J. Crew catalog.’ I’m sorry, do you think that’s where Black women famously shop? Cuz if so, I don’t think you know a J. Crew catalog. That catalog is so white it’s what they used to swear in Amy Coney Barrett.” ~ Seth Meyers
Trump Reacts After Rebuke From Pence ~ Bob Cronin, Newser Staff / Newser ‘Great opportunity lost, but not forever,’ ex-president says of his VP calling him ‘wrong’ on 2020 election Start the meme now: “NEVER PENCE!”
February 4, 2022
G.O.P. Declares Jan. 6 Attack ‘Legitimate Political Discourse’ ~ Jonathan Weisman and Reid J. Epstein / The New York Times The Republican National Committee voted to censure Representatives Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for participating in the inquiry into the deadly riot at the Capitol.
“Today was the start of the lunar new year. 2022 is the year of the tiger. Last year was the year of the ox. And, of course 2016 through 2020 were the year of the pig.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“This morning Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter. When asked why, Phil said because it's February.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
George Conway: Trump Should Be Read Miranda Rights ~ JMG Newsletter “Somebody really should read him his Miranda rights. He just is incriminating himself with all of these statements. This is just absurd. … ”
Trump Says Pence Should Have “Overturned the Election” ~ Noah Y. Kim, Assistant News and Engagement Writer / MotherJones It was perhaps his most explicit admission yet that he had wanted his vice president to throw out legitimate electoral votes.
The shutdown on top of the hurricane has caused Ms. Minton to rethink a lot of things. “I voted for him, and he’s the one who’s doing this,” she said of Mr. Trump. “I thought he was going to do good things. He’s not hurting the people he needs to be hurting.”
“The Supreme Court rejected Trump’s attempt to keep records relating to the events leading up to the insurrection secret, which clears the way for the committee to go through more than 700 documents they haven’t seen. Hopefully something will come of it. I tell ya what: we have covid, we have flu…the only disease we haven’t caught yet is Donald Trump.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
Believe the autocrat. He means what he says. Whenever you find yourself thinking, or hear others claiming, that he is exaggerating, that is our innate tendency to reach for a rationalization. This will happen often: humans seem to have evolved to practice denial when confronted publicly with the unacceptable.
“I’ve learned one thing from social media, and QAnon proves what I’m gonna say: if you make something up, and then you believe what you made up is true, then you are crazy. And if you read something that someone had made up, and you believe what they made up is true, then you are crazier.” ~ Lewis Black on the Tonight Show
‘The playbook for authoritarianism counts on this’ ~ Anna Gustafson and Laina G. Stebbins / The Michigan Advance Experts, pols warn Jan. 6 insurrection anniversary is reminder that U.S. democracy is at risk
Be mad at Manchin, who didn't bargain "in good faith" as he claimed. Acknowledge that progressives were right about what would happen if infrastructure passed first. But save hottest ire for 50 GOP senators who'd rather deny Biden a win than help families and save the planet.
Biden backs exception to filibuster for voting rights bills ~ Morgan Chalfant / THE HILL President Biden says he supports creating an exception to the legislative filibuster in the Senate in order to pass voting rights legislation over Republican opposition.
GOP blows off Trump’s bid to oust McConnell ~ Natalie Allison and Burgess Everett / Politico Just two Senate candidates — and no senators — have publicly called for replacing the Republican leader.
“CNN fired Chris Cuomo because he was caught giving secret political advice to a politician. Now it turns out that basically everyone at Fox News was giving secret advice to President Trump and his people during the insurrection. But I guess that’s what makes it okay: if one person at your network has no integrity, that’s a problem. If nobody has integrity, that’s a company policy.” ~ Trevor Noah
Donald Trump’s Megaphone ~ Jonah Goldberg, opinion / gfile.thedispatch.com Fox News news hosts knew that Trump’s lies were lies—and they amplified them anyhow.
“Omicron has now been confirmed in twenty states, including Florida. Rest assured Governor DeSantis will do everything he can to make sure as many Floridians get infected as possible.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
Trump inadvertently said people who believe his election-fraud theories are stupid ~ Tom Porter / Business Insider • • "Anybody that doesn't think there wasn't massive election fraud in the 2020 presidential election is either very stupid, or very corrupt!" he [Drumpf] said in a Saturday statement. "He finally conceded …" tweeted Jonathan Karl, an ABC News correspondent and the author of a recent book about Trump's final months as president, during which he refused to concede defeat.
December 03, 2021
“It looks very likely that Roe v. Wade will soon be overturned. The truth is, this is the culmination of a 50-year plan for the conservative movement to reshape the courts for this very purpose. Say what you want about it, but you gotta admit the conservative movement is just that dedicated to protecting life. I mean, not protecting life from coronavirus. Or school shootings. Or lack of health care. Or climate change. Or poverty. Or homelessness. Or…” ~ Trevor Noah
“Republican congressman Jim Jordan revealed in a new interview that he had the coronavirus over the summer and refused to say whether he’s received the vaccine. Well, ‘refused to say’ is a pretty big clue. No one refuses to say when they do the right thing. ‘Did you pull all of those children out of that burning building, sir?’ ‘I’d rather not say. Rescuing children is a personal decision.’” ~ Seth Meyers
One year ago today: “Attorney general William Barr just announced that he has not uncovered any evidence of widespread voter fraud that would change the outcome of the 2020 presidential election. It’s so weird that they didn’t find evidence of the very thing they never backed up with any evidence.” ~ James Corden
• Average monthly job growth under Democratic presidents since 1933: 167,200
• Average monthly job growth under Republican presidents: 66,700
October 15, 2021
“In a new statement, former president Trump said: ‘If we don’t solve the presidential election fraud of 2020, Republicans will not be voting in ‘22 or ‘24.’ Wow—he’s been out of office so long that he's forgotten how threats work.” ~ Seth Meyers
“For anyone who doesn’t want to take the vaccine, the governor of Texas is definitely on their side. It's funny how governors like [Greg] Abbott [Texas] always say the government should never tell private businesses how to do things, and then they do just that when it’s in their political interest. It’s like that one friend we have who says ‘I think we should try and be vegetarian—unless it’s popcorn chicken.’” ~ Trevor Noah
The Making of a Dictatorship: The Eastman Memo and GOP Silence ~ Hank Cetola, Op-Ed / DemcasT We learned definitively last week that former President Donald J. Trump and his allies did indeed want to destroy our democratic republic and install autocracy. CNN obtained a memo written by John Eastman, a lawyer working with Trump’s legal team, describing how Trump could persuade former Vice President Mike Pence to throw out the election results on Jan. 6.
September 21, 2021
Ken Burns: Current Era Comparable to Civil War Historian says this is America's 4th great crisis ~ Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff / Newser Text: If you feel like Americans are living through a historically bad period of time in the country, historian Ken Burns says you’re right. “It’s really serious,” the documentary filmmaker said on the SmartLess podcast, per Mediaite. He said the current era is “equal to” the previous three “great crises” in the country: the Civil War, the Great Depression, and the second World War. He went on to quote Abraham Lincoln’s warning that America’s greatest threat is America itself, adding, “We’re looking right down the muzzle of that gun.” The podcast is hosted by actors Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes. Burns made similar comments earlier this year to NPR, citing America's three current “viruses” are COVID, white supremacy, and misinformation. (Read more Ken Burns stories.)
September 17, 2021
Clarence Thomas Offers a Warning During Speech ~ Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff / Newser We must be careful not to ‘destroy our institutions,’ SCOTUS justice says → When the problem is the one speaking? ←
Proof that Trump is in Desperate Financial Straits and is Not Running in 2024 ~ Mark NC / News Corpse The 2020 presidential election was over eight months ago, and Joe Biden won decisively by more than seven million votes. And yet, Donald Trump has still not conceded. To the contrary, he has persistently peddled the “Big Lie” that the election was “rigged” and “stolen” from him, despite failing to provide a shred of evidence and losing more than 60 court cases challenging the outcome.
Why Facebook Won’t Stop Pushing Propaganda Monika Bauerlein and Clara Jeffery MotherJones – March-April 2021 IssueVaccine disinformation. —The Big Lie. The hate poisoning your community. It all goes back to Mark Zuckerberg’s business model.
August 27, 2021
“Here's some good news: the FDA granted full approval to Pfizer's Covid vaccine. But the vaccine isn’t the only thing keeping the FDA busy. They recently had to tell people not to treat Covid with a drug that's given to animals with worms. They tweeted:‘You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.’ Meanwhile the people taking it are like, ‘Laugh all you want, but I don’t have Covid and the worms are almost gone.’” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“The president of the Arizona Senate announced yesterday that the results of the state's Republican-led audit of the 2020 election will be delayed after several executives from the third-party company Cyber Ninjas contracted the coronavirus. Man, at this rate we'll never get to find out what didn’t actually happen.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Socialism Alert! Greg Abbott [Texas Gov] got COVID and now wants to spread it around to everyone.” ~ Trevor Noah
Anti-vaxxer being interviewed by Jordan Klepper: “I can’t go to the gym. It feels like a dictatorship. Like we’re living in Nazi Germany and the only things that are missing are the camps and the gas.”
Jordan Klepper: “Do you think that’s what it was like in Nazi Germany? People were bitching about not going to the gym?” ~ The Daily Show
“Great—my horse has worms and the pharmacy is out of everything except COVID vaccines.” ~ Conan O’Brien on Twitter
Rule #1: “You should never have more drinks than there are flight attendants on the plane.” Rule #2: “Keep your carry-on baggage in the overhead compartment—and your emotional baggage to your damn self.” Rule #3: “If you don’t own the plane, you don’t make the rules. So put your mask on, watch The Boss Baby, and shut the fuck up, bitch.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel Live guest host Ru Paul's “Rules for the Unruly”
KC Star: I served in Afghanistan as a US Marine, twice. Here’s the truth in two sentences ~ MimiStardust / Daily Kos Community ★ “One: For 20 years, politicians, elites and D.C. military leaders lied to us about Afghanistan.” ★ “Two: What happened last week was inevitable, and anyone saying differently is still lying to you.” ★ “…when people ask me if we made the right call getting out of Afghanistan in 2021, I answer truthfully: Absolutely not. The right call was getting out in 2002. 2003.”
We Have the War on Terror to Thank for Donald Trump ~ Dan Spinelli, Reporter / MotherJones Spencer Ackerman’s new book traces how the US response to terrorism, from Oklahoma City to 9/11, paved the way for the 2016 election and January 6 [2021] insurrection.
Percent of the 259 regulations, guidance documents, and agency memoranda the Trump administration issued that were successfully overturned in court, according to according to the Institute for Policy Integrity: 77%
Percent of the time that a White House administration typically loses in court: 30% [via Bill in Portland Maine, Cheers and Jeers / Daily Kos Community]
According to a new book, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was worried that former president Trump would try to incite a coup after losing the 2020 election. We really need to come up with a better early-warning system than tell-all books. ‘We’re in danger! Quick—get me a typewriter!’ ~ Seth Meyers
[Trump cultist Jim Jordan] literally plotted at the White House with the president about how January 6th would go to overthrow the election result and keep Trump in power. And so the Republicans picked him to be on the committee investigating what happened on January 6th. It’s like if you wanted to investigate the rise in obesity and you appointed ten cheeseburgers and a blooming onion as your contribution to the commission of inquiry. ~ Rachel Maddow, after Speaker Pelosi removed Jordan from the Jan. 6 committee
Either Lumpy and his friends are lying about being bothered by thin-skinned authoritarian less-than-Christian readers of prompter being president, or they don't care, as long as it's their thin-skinned prompter authoritarian tyrant narcissist. You just want that person to give you your country back because you feel that you're this country's rightful owners. There's only one problem with that—this country isn't yours! You don't own it! It never was! There is no real America! You don't own it! You don't own patriotism, you don't own Christianity, you sure as hell don't own respect for the bravery and sacrifice of military, police, and firefighters! Trust me! ~ Jon Stewart on Stephen Colbert's CBS show "The Daily Show" Thursday night (youtube 5 stars!)
Quote of the day is from John Gartner on America if Trump is president again ~ HalBrown / Daily Kos Community & Salon Chauncey DeVega: If Donald Trump somehow returns to office, either by election or through a successful coup, what will happen? Psychologist John D. Gartner: I believe it will make "The Handmaid's Tale" look like a vacation.
Explosive Interview Directly Implicates Trump in Tax Scheme ~ Jose Pagliery, Political Investigations Reporter / Daily Beast As investigators look into a scheme at the Trump Organization to avoid paying taxes on employee benefits, one witness has set the scene to show Trump was involved.
Trump’s Fantasy Legal World ~ David A. Graham, staff writer / The Atlantic The former president is obscuring the very real legal problems he has with imaginary ones he wants.
“Today the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare again. The court decided Texas didn’t have standing to sue because nobody was forced to pay a penalty for not getting insurance. Why? Back in 2017 the GOP-controlled Congress passed a bill cutting the individual mandate penalty to zero. The Republicans’ previous attempt to kill Obamacare killed this attempt to kill Obamacare. Turns out the GOP is its own worst enemy. Also: everybody else’s.” ~ Stephen Colbert
An Exit From Trumpocracy ~ David Frum / The Atlantic – January 18, 2018 The stability of American society depends on conservatives finding a way forward from the Trump dead end.
“If conservatives become convinced that they can not win democratically, they will not abandon conservatism. They will reject democracy.” ~ David Frum
June 6, 2021
Jokes About Trump’s Pants “Let’s be clear, he did not put them on backward, which is good for Trump, because it would be very embarrassing to be the first president to put your pants on backward. As opposed to what he is, the first president where everyone believed it was at least possible.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Donald Trump made an interesting move—he quit his own blog. According to one of his advisers, the reason he shut it down is people in the media have been mocking how few people were visiting his site. So from now on he’s just going to write bitchy little notes on the dry-erase board at the Mar-A-Lago omelet station.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Half the USA is vaccinated. The other half thought 2020 was just too much fun.” ~ Conan O'Brien
“Vice President Kamala Harris said that broadband internet is ‘critical to infrastructure.’ And then Spectrum added a 30-cent ‘Critical to Infrastructure’ fee.” ~ Seth Meyers
June 3, 2021
What about 18 U.S. Code 2385? ~ jamess / Daily Kos Community (Psst. It can happen here — it already has … the attempted, intended overthrow, anyways … )
“The system of policing isn’t broken. It’s doing exactly what it’s meant to do in America. We’re not dealing with ‘bad apples.’ We’re dealing with a rotten tree. … America is a country where white people can storm the Capitol and be given the benefit of the doubt, but Black people just going about their lives are treated like they’re about to storm the Capitol.” ~ Trevor Noah
“If there’s one thing America is good at, it’s multi-tasking racisms. Look, Americans: there are better ways to deal with our issues than by being racist. Try therapy, interpretive dance, or yelling at your TV. You could yell at me—I can take it.” ~ Samantha Bee
[Republican] “Senator Mitch McConnell denounced corporations opposing Georgia’s new voting laws, saying they should ‘stay out of politics.’ Coincidentally, ‘stay out of politics’ is also Georgia’s new rule for black people.” ~ Michael Che, SNL Mitch also said that corporations should keep sending bribe money donations to the Republican Party.
“This is an historic day. This afternoon, President Biden announced he will withdraw all U.S. forces from Afghanistan by September 11th, ending America’s longest war, even longer than the never-ending cupcake wars—a quagmire of ganache. The war has been going on for almost 20 years. To put that another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz.” ~ Stephen Colbert
“The House Ethics Committee announced it’ll launch an investigation into Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz over allegations that he may have ‘engaged in sexual misconduct and/or illicit drug use, shared inappropriate images on the House floor, misused state identification records, converted campaign funds to personal use, and/or accepted a bribe, improper gratuity or impermissible gift.’ Or as Republicans call it: running for reelection.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Look, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: all the doctors tell you to wear masks and be careful, and the vaccine is safe. … Dr. Fauci has been doing this forever. He’s giving his very educated opinion. The closest Jim Jordan ever got to being an infectious-disease expert is contracting scabies on a wrestling mat.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel, responding to Rep. Jordan’s badgering of Dr. Fauci at a Thursday House committee hearing
Courtesy of The Daily Show. This could be an actual Republican TV ad.
Inspiring to see Georgia Republicans take bold action to stop the spread... of voting. pic.twitter.com/Dm2xAeNSBd ~ The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) March 27, 2021
And remember, Democrats: always maintain six feet of distance between yourself and your ballot. Voting by telepathy isn’t just the right thing to do, it’s the patriotic thing to do. — RNC
“The House passed the $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief package today. Democrats are calling it a landmark bill that will give Americans desperately-needed financial assistance during a pandemic, while Republicans are calling it ‘Not what Dr. Seuss would have wanted.’” ~ Seth Meyers
“Despite not having his name on the checks, Biden is going to take credit for it. He, Dr. Jill, Kamala Harris and first Second Man Doug are gonna promote the plan all over the country, and White House officials are preparing a sprawling sales campaign designed to draw attention to the benefits of the Covid relief package. So get ready to see a lot of billboards that say: MONEY—You Like It!” ~ Stephen Colbert
“This bill is huge—it’s 1.9 trillion dollars. That’s like a dollar for every email you got this year that started with, ‘In these challenging times…’” ~ Jimmy Fallon
UNPRESIDENTIAL: Joe Biden delivers major speech on coronavirus without once pointing to a pillow salesman and saying “get up here, say a few words”
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) March 12, 2021
“Texas today lifted their statewide mask mandate. Governor Greg Abbott said says he’s lifting the mandate against the advice of his own health experts because businesses and families in Texas ‘have the freedom to determine their own destiny.’ Unless, of course, you’re a woman who doesn’t want to be pregnant—then we will decide for you.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Over in the Senate, Merrick Garland was officially confirmed as Attorney General. You may remember Garland from when President Obama nominated him for the Supreme Court back in 2016, but the Republican Senate wouldn’t even bring it to a vote. I love it when a character from Season 1 pops back up in Season 5.” ~ James Corden
“Prosecutors in New York will soon have Trump’s ‘perfect’ tax returns. Life is funny, isn’t it? One day you’re building walls and the next day they’re closing in on you.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“For years, the former president has been desperate to prevent prosecutors from getting their hands on any documents that might get him in legal trouble. But the high court ruled that he has to hand over his financial history to the Manhattan D.A., who’s been conducting a criminal investigation that could lead to conspiracy fraud charges, which are [Class] B felonies. Given the potential charges, the former president could be sent to jail if convicted. I can’t wait to see it all play out on the new Netflix series, Orange is the New Orange.” ~ Stephen Colbert
“According to a new poll, Congress has a 35 percent approval rating, which is its highest approval rating in 12 years. Even more impressive, if you remove Ted Cruz it’s 97 percent.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Ted Cruz said his decision to go on a family vacation to Cancun during Texas’s weather emergency was obviously a mistake. Cruz initially released a statement saying he only went because his daughters made him go. And if you think it’s bad to throw his daughters under the bus, Cruz would like you to know that that statement was his wife’s idea.” ~ Colin Jost, SNL
“We haven’t had a raise in the federal minimum wage in over ten years, which is the longest period in history without an increase. It’s insane that America updates its Spider-Men more frequently than the minimum wage.” ~ Samantha Bee
“Republicans saw the record number of people exercising their right to vote [in 2020] and said, ‘Yo, that shit can not happen again.’ Hey, I get it—Republicans have to make it harder to vote so they have a better chance of winning elections. The only other option for them is to change their policies to appeal to a majority of voters. But come on, that’s way too hard.” ~ Trevor Noah
“[Trump’s] impeachment highlights a fundamental tenet of our legal system. All Americans, regardless of status, are entitled to a speedy trial by a jury of your cowardly partisan sycophants and henchmen.” ~ Jon Stewart on Twitter
“This has to be the dumbest trial I’ve ever seen. Here’s how dumb it was: the jurors deciding the case were the ones who were attacked by the defendant. The trial took place at the scene of the crime. And then afterward one of the jurors [Mitch McConnell] who voted to acquit Trump ran out and said, ‘Someone’s gotta prosecute this guy! He did it! This man belongs in jail!’ I feel bad for Pence—43 of his work friends were like, ‘C’mon, Mike, they only tried to hang you, stop being such a drama queen.” ~ Colin Jost, SNL
“During Trump’s impeachment trial, House managers showed security footage of Capitol rioters violently attacking police. Here’s a little black history for you: just because there's video evidence doesn’t mean you’re going to get a conviction.” ~ Michael Che
“Tucker Carlson said Joe and Jill Biden’s marriage is ‘as real as climate change.’ Because it’s been around since the Carter administration, and it’s only getting hotter?” ~ Stephen Colbert
“Rush Limbaugh has died at the age of 70. The death of the staunchly-conservative defender of Republican family values was announced today by his fourth wife.” ~ Bill in Portland Maine / Daily Kos Community
“The impeachment trial of President Trump opened with footage of the January 6th assault on the Capitol, and the room fell so silent you could practically hear Ted Cruz eating his popcorn.” ~ Seth Meyers
“Whether or not the president is [convicted], or whether or not they do the right thing to keep him from holding office again, it is important that one time, as a nation, we look this straight in the face as it is laid out definitively for the unprecedented and premeditated violation that it is. Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again. Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t Antifa now.” ~ Stephen Colbert
“Former media influencer Donald Trump will not testify at his impeachment trial. … He’ll be defended by the lawyers who refused to prosecute Bill Cosby, and who agreed to represent Jeffrey Epstein before his death. Which raises the question: what does Trump think he’s being impeached for?” ~ Colin Jost, SNL
“The Democrats made an excellent case. So much so that Trump’s lawyers are now only planning to use three of the 16 hours they’re allotted to rebut. Or maybe they realized he’s only planning to pay them for three of the hours.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Usually presidents age because of the stress of the job. Obama went gray. George W shrunk like three inches. It’s a hard job if you do it. Not Trump—he looks the same. But, good lord, he put a beatin’ on us. We’re all older. Even the Statue of Liberty got crow’s feet.” ~ Wanda Sykes on Jimmy Kimmel Live
“Marjorie Taylor Greene, who looks like the mug shot of a former child star…apologized for her previous remarks, saying 9/11 absolutely happened. And to honor that day, Greene plans to hijack and crash the Republican party.” ~ Michael Che, SNL
“Donald Trump’s new, new lawyers released their response to the impeachment charges they will defend him against in the Senate next week, and this is great: on the very first page of their very first legal filing, they wrote, ‘To the honorable members of the Unites States Senate.’ They misspelled United States. Aaaaaaand we’re off!” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.” • Ditto for those who foment insurrection and then prate about “unity”.
“They [Republicans] didn’t start thinking of the old common fellow till just as they started out on the election tour. The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover was an engineer. He knew that water trickles down. Put it uphill and let it go and it will reach the driest little spot. But he didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellows hands. They saved the big banks, but the little ones went up the flue.” ~~Will Rogers, “And Here’s How It All Happened” (Nov. 26, 1932) ⇒ Kinda hard to not notice that nothing much has changed in the 88 years since Rogers said this!
“Sarah Huckabee Sanders is running for governor of Arkansas, so she’ll probably say she’s not running for governor and there’s no state called Arkansas.” ~ Trevor Noah
“We are officially one week into Joe Biden’s presidency, and for the first time in awhile, a week actually felt like a week. In one week we’ve gone from insurrection to cool-and-collected, from anarchy to no malarkey, from drinking bleach to boring speech. It’s been a ride.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“According to recent reports, President Biden is looking to speed up the release of new 20-dollar bills featuring Harriet Tubman, [who] would replace problematic former president Andrew Jackson. Biden’s looking to replace a problematic white man with an inspiring black woman. He’s already done it with Mike Pence, so why not?James Corden” ~ James Corden
think the war in Iraq was a mistake and that we should get out.
• 65 percent:
want single-payer health care and are willing to pay more taxes to get it.
• 86 percent:
favor raising the minimum wage.
• 60 percent:
favor repealing Bush's tax cuts, or at least those that go only to the rich.
• 66 percent:
want to reduce the deficit not by cutting domestic spending, but by reducing Pentagon spending or raising taxes.
• 77 percent:
think we should do "whatever it takes" to protect the environment.
• 87 percent:
think big oil companies are gouging consumers and would support a windfall profits tax.
These polls were taken: January 2006
Clue for the clueless: That is the center.
Want to take a stab at what the polls today show?
Which party is going to listen to the citizens?
Want to bet me that it will be the Republicans?
(i could really use the money from winning that bet!)
Biden’s team is starting from ‘square one’ after finding no real strategy for vaccine distribution ~ Mark Sumner / Daily Kos Staff While Trump and former HHS Secretary Alex Azar talked up a “federal stockpile” of vaccine that they were handing out carefully to make sure everyone got their prescribed two doses, it took until just before Azar’s departure before the truth came out. There was no stockpile.
“The Trump presidency officially ended today as Joe Biden was inaugurated as the 46th President of the United States. And, uh…wow. So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth. I’d forgotten. And I can see colors again.” ~ Seth Meyers
“For the first time in our 244 history, the United States has a female vice president. It’s a moment that future generations will look back on and say, ‘Wow, that took a long time.’ Not only is Kamala Harris our first female vice president, she’s also our first black vice president, our first South Asian-American vice president, and the first vice president in four years who doesn’t think yogurt is too spicy.” ~ Stephen Colbert
“Today we showed the world that there is no My Pillow[1] large enough to smother our democracy. God bless America.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel [1] - MyPillow Guy Wants Trump To Endorse His Bid For Minnesota Governor / Aol news - Jan 23
“It was a bright sunny day, and now we finally have a president who knows not to stare directly at the sun.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“Democracy prevails. But the game definitely went into overtime.” ~ James Corden
“Unsurprisingly, Republicans are ‘furious’ that Joe Biden chose to divide America by becoming president. And if that weren’t divisive enough, he’s openly plotting to ‘do stuff.’ Nice try, Joe, but according to Republicans a real unifier would have handed the office back to Trump, given him a McRib, and happily walked off to prison.” ~ Samantha Bee - Full Frontal
“I’ll never get used to having a First Lady who is not from Slovenia.” ~ Conan O’Brien
“We’re going to play a long portion of the president’s [covid] remarks, because it is no longer a danger to public health to do so.” ~ Nicolle Wallace / from yesterday’s edition of MSNBC’s Deadline White House
Trump’s Final Approval Rating: A ‘Personal Low Note’ ~ Jenn Gidman / Newser ★ Trump is the only president since the analytics company started registering presidential job approval in 1938 to not get over the 50% hump at any point; a 45% rating during his first year was his best.
GOP Senator Holds Up Confirmation of DHS Nominee — Psst: it’s Hawley. ~ Newser Editors and Wire Services Insurrectionist sympathizer Hawley starts off the GOP efforts to screw up the Biden Administration, even as the GOP is calling for “unity”. And it’s not even day1, yet.
“We found out he pays no taxes; he has no money; he is likely to face criminal charges in New York, ... ” […] “... nobody will do business with him... ” […] “... he’ll be generally thought of as the worst president in the history of the United States.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel Live
“ ... he who shall remain shameless.” Summing up four years, [Colbert] noted: “ ...you didn’t exactly know where he was going or what he was talking about but it made you feel dirty and you knew it wasn’t good for children.” […] “In the end, the takeaway from this presidency is ‘Take him away,’” ~ Stephen Colbert on the A Late Show
“What did you come here to do? Wreck the economy, spread disease, and take selfies with cans of beans?” “It’s not just that Trump inhabits an unhinged fantasy world, which he does, or that he and his aides lie as easily as they breathe, which they do. It’s that the entire federal bureaucracy was dragged into defending a narcissistic president’s delusion and anyone who refused to support the lie was punished.” ~ Seth Meyers on Late Night
Comparing Trump to the coronavirus. “I hope that he slowly fades away like one of his tans. And I know that he’ll never be fully gone, all right? He's basically the COVID of politics,” […] “America’s gonna be experiencing side effects long after he’s out of the system. And, unfortunately, we’re probably gonna see mutated strains, as well.” ~ Trevor Noah on the Daily Show
Imagining the scene at the White House, where: “Trump’s four remaining staffers toasted him by raising a glass of bleach.” […] They were signing each other’s yearbooks with: “I won’t testify against you if you don’t testify against me.” […] “I think everyone is ready for Trump to move on,” […] “probably like that moment when they pull the nasal swab out of your nose.” ~ Jimmy Fallon on the Tonight Show
January 18, 2021
After Twitter Dumped Trump, a Big Drop in Misinformation ~ Jenn Gidman / Newser Staff The Washington Post reports that, … false claims about election fraud plummeted 73% across multiple social-media sites in the week after Trump’s suspension from Twitter.
“President Trump was impeached today for a second time. Or as Fox News reported it: Fun rainy-day crafts to do with your grandkids!!!” ~ Seth Meyers
“The impeachment articles charged the president with just one thing: inciting violence against the government of the United States. His impeachment comes just one week before the president’s term expires. Do you know how bad of a job you have to be doing to get fired while you’re getting fired?” ~ Stephen Colbert
“Trump got impeached in December 2019 and January 2021, and botched COVID in between. Dude basically made a pandemic sandwich with impeachment bread.” ~ Jimmy Fallon
“‘This impeachment gives me one last chance to salvage my reputation!’ shouts Rudy Giuliani, as he ladles baked beans into his briefcase.” ~ Conan O’Brien
“Not only did Trump get banned from Twitter, but Google, Apple and Amazon removed the Parler app from their platforms. Parler is where all the right-wingers gather to post Q-a-nonsense and misspell the word ‘parlor.’ Trumpers are complaining bitterly that they’re being silenced. On their three propaganda networks, one-thousand conservative radio shows, and all over the internet, they’re screaming about being silenced.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
“Police assumed protesters wouldn’t get out of control because they were white. They were literally wearing shirts that said “Civil War” on them. What else did they need? The back of the shirt to read, Seriously We’re Going To Attack You & Also Shit On The Floor For Some Reason?” ~ Samantha Bee
“EVERY GOP CONGRESSMAN: To all my Radical Dumbocrat colleagues: We need healing and unity. I say this not just to the Commies, but also to the Libtards.” ~ Trevor Noah
Jeff Timmer: The sin of Trumpism ~ Jeff Timmer / Michigan Advance → Jeff Timmer is a political consultant, strategist, and Warren Zevon fan. He was Executive Director of the Michigan Republican Party and served as a Republican on the Michigan Board of State Canvassers. He is a Senior Advisor to the Lincoln Project and Co-Founder of Republicans and Independents for Biden.
Arizona GOP censures Cindy McCain ~ ianmh1984 / Daily Kos Community The Maricopa County Republican Party voted Saturday to censure Cindy McCain after she endorsed Democrat Joe Biden for president in the November election.
Quotes from Barry Goldwater (1909-1998) over 30 years ago:
“Small men, seeking great wealth or power, have too often and too long turned even the highest levels of public service into mere personal opportunity.”
He said this long before DJT got elected …
“While I am a great believer in the free enterprise system and all that it entails, I am an even stronger believer in the right of our people to live in a clean and pollution-free environment.”
“A woman has a right to an abortion. That’s a decision that’s up to the pregnant woman, not up to the pope or some do-gooders or the Religious Right.”
“Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they’re sure trying to do so, it’s going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can’t and won’t compromise. I know, I’ve tried to deal with them.”
“I am frankly sick and tired of the political preachers telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?”
“When you say ‘radical right’ today, I think of these moneymaking ventures by fellows like Pat Robertson and others who are trying to take the Republican Party away from the Republican Party, and make a religious organization out of it. If that ever happens, kiss politics goodbye.”
“You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.”
Hi, I’m Jimmy Kimmel. Thank you for joining us for the treason finale of the Trump era. … The Capitol was besieged by MAGA-hatters in all manner of crazy costumes. It was like a psychotic ‘The Price is Right’ audience forcibly taking control of the Big Wheel. ~ Jimmy Kimmel
A pro-Trump mob stormed the Capitol and forced the joint session of Congress to halt the certification of the electoral college vote. And if this is the first you’re hearing of it: welcome, Fox viewers. ~ Seth Meyers
We’ve said this before and we’ll say it again: white supremacists are domestic terrorists and the government better address them as such. ~ Samantha Bee
When you tell people who play dress-up soldier that they are on a patriotic mission, they desperately believe it. That’s what I saw today in DC. ~ Jordan Klepper, The Daily Show
I would invite all of these disgruntled Americans to take a page out of Stacey Abrams’ book: don’t endanger our country’s greatest legacy—the peaceful transfer of power—just because your guy lost. Get out there and focus on winning the next round. Come on Republicans, don’t go up to Capitol Hill for a government handout. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and just work a little harder. And in 2022, when all of those Republicans who are responsible for what happened today are running for reelection, let’s remember them for who they showed themselves to be: cynical cowards who believe the voters should not get to choose who governs this country. ~ Stephen Colbert
President-elect Biden said it best when he said: ‘We have to step up. We’re at our best when we step up.’ But President Biden also said something after his speech that hit me even harder. He said, ‘Enough is enough is enough.’ And that’s what I believe a majority of this country has been saying—has been screaming—for a long time. Enough is enough. Today was a disgrace. ~ Jimmy Fallon
In two weeks, on those same steps where that mob fought and pushed past police, the people who encouraged and instigated that violence—Donald Trump, his children, Rudy Giuliani—they’re all going to need a tourist pass to get in because they’ve lost the presidency, they’ve lost the House, and now they’ve lost the Senate. Today was their last dance at the worst party any of us have ever been to. So if you can, have hope. … I really do believe that there are better times ahead. Except for the guy who came [into the Capitol] dressed as every member of The Village People. I don’t know if better times are ahead for him. ~ James Corden
The GA Call - Far Worse than Watergate - Here’s Why ~ hughwill / Daily Kos Community Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are […] They are different. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby
• Vandals Leave Message at Pelosi’s Home ~ Newser Editors / Newser Staff Demand $2K relief checks, leave fake blood and a pig’s head — Guessing they’re not smart enough to know that it was Moscow Mitch that blocked the $2K checks?
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